I have less than 2 hours until I have to go work. Sometimes it's hard working in retail. I stand there folding clothes and pretty-fying shelves and think how I'm working an hourly job as a college graduate. But I enjoy interacting with others. When I occasionally get scheduled to work on cashier, I enjoy hearing people's stories and "window-shopping" at all the toys and fun items coming through. I enjoy talking to people who are now sending Christmas packages to missionaries and starting to get ready for Christmas. I'm at an in-between stage and for now, retail it is. I'm grateful for my job. But I can't wait to actually get into my profession as a speech-pathologist and really use my brain power, skills, communication, creativeness, and motivation to really help people. Beyond helping them find what aisle an item is on. But Target is great, I love my co-workers.
I can get quite self-conscious about what I post on facebook/my blog. Don't know quite what it is. But I started writing a very big post the other day explaining one of my recent life decisions. I haven't seemed to post it yet. Part of it is lazyness, the other part of it is not knowing how much to share online. But for now, I'll just stick with giving an announcement. For those of you that don't know-I'm going on a mission! My papers are in and I thought my call would come in the mail today. Alas, it didn't. Maybe it's delayed in the mail, maybe it's coming next week. I haven't really been able to talk to my bishop in the last few days to ask him if it's been assigned, mailed, etc. I'm a mixture of emotions to get it- nervous, scared, excited, unsure if I want to learn to speak a language or not. Bundle of emotions. Already realizing things I'm going to start missing when I'm gone. Right now, I kind of feel like the Jaredites. I'm relying on the Lord and His plan right now and throwing myself into a barge tight like unto a dish, and letting the Lord take control of my direction in the sea right now. I had a different plan for what I was going to be doing right now. I was going to be in grad school. But after Jonah-esque experiences and feelings, I withdrew from grad school and started working on my mission papers instead. It'll be exciting to see where He wants me to serve Him for eighteen months.
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| My mission paper picture |
Other than that, nothing too new in my life. I miss Provo and my friends. And I do see some of them semi-often. But during the summer I definitely struggled a little bit with loneliness some of the time. I struggle initiating things. Invite me, I'm there. But I struggle with actually being like "hey guys! do you want to do this?" I think some of it is because being twenty minutes away, I know some people don't want to drive to see me all the time, but I don't want to invite myself over...so then it's kind of a debacle. Just like at the end of the summer, two of my friends were like "Oh my goodness! We didn't think you wanted to drive down here so we never invited you!" when learning that it's a pretty short drive and that I didn't mind driving it all. I've learned that I really like being around other people often; my emotions and happiness definitely play off the energy I get from others. And Satan knows it. He's definitely tried to play with my emotions and tried to throw hard things into my path to stop me from going on a mission.
The other night I went and saw Wreck it Ralph with Kristin. This was just a few days after my papers were finally in and I was happy to be moving forward and upward. It was so great to hang out with her for the night and talk to her. After so much...weirdness happening in recent months it felt like things were going to get so much better! Genuine feelings of happiness. I came home and found out that one of my best friends, Crystal, has bone cancer. As I read out loud her new blog for it to my mom and tried to control the wavering in my voice, I was thinking how life never lets up does it? I was in shock and my heart hurt so much for her and her husband Michael. She starts chemo in a few weeks and will be going through 6 36-day treatments. Sarah came and stayed with us Monday night on her way from Logan to Las Vegas. We went and visited Crystal and I'm so grateful for her strength and happy spirit. We had such a good night and laughed so hard to the point I was crying over some hysterical memories. I've been friends with Crystal since nursery at church and Sarah joined the crew a few years later when her family moved into our ward. Memories of growing up- they're usually in them (good or bad ;) ). I'm thankful for having such great best friends for life.
In honor of Thanksgiving here's some things I'm grateful for this year (in no particular order):
1. I'm thankful for trials. In the moment you're not like "YES!!!!" but looking back you can see ways that you grew and became a better person. Trials are the refiner's fire and mold us into the people that God wants us to become. It's an essential part of mortality and God's eternal plan for His children and I am grateful for the tests we go through during our mortal experience.
2. I'm grateful for my family. Sometimes it's been hard growing up, having such a different family experience then most of my friends. I was practically an only child starting in third grade but yet I had four older siblings. My parents were always a lot older than my friends' parents. And I started having nieces and nephews when I was 9. I'm closer in age to my oldest niece than to my closest-in -age sister. (by a year, not too much). I always loved going to Crystal or Sarah's house growing up and having the raucous around me. And often wished I could have a sibling closer in age. But in the end, I have had such interesting experiences from having such older siblings and role models. It's kind of hard right now when they all have their own families and children and I'm kind of the weird outsider in the family. But I'm so grateful for my family. When my sister-in-law was compiling letters for my brother's fortieth birthday, at the end I wrote:
If anything, when I think about my memories of you , I just
think about how cool and awesome my older brother is; I always looked up to you
and everyone else, and am very grateful to have 4 older siblings that are such
great examples. I feel blessed to be in
a family where we are all close to the gospel.
When I was starting to think about my memories of you last weekend, I
thought about how it has sometimes been hard being so much younger than all of
you, and that I had such a different family than others of my age. But I am so grateful! I even ended up talking
about it in my testimony on Sunday. Heavenly Father is so mindful of us, and
knows what we need, and how he put me in the family that I needed to be
in. I am so thankful for the
opportunities and experiences I have had, and the growth I have achieved as
being a part of our family."
3. I am especially thankful for my mom. We have grown so close since my dad passed away since we were all the that was left at home. I'm grateful for the many laughs we have and how selfless and giving she is.
4. I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for being a member of His church! What a great blessing is the plan of salvation and being able to repent and to return to live with our Heavenly Father again. I am thankful for Christ's sacrifice in bearing the weight of all our sins, trials, calamities... He knows how to succor us and He can help us bear our burdens. I am thankful for all the blessings of the gospel- temple ordinances, eternal families, the priesthood, prayer, the scriptures, having a living prophet on the Earth today, the list goes on and on. How grateful I am that I get to be a representative of the Lord for 18 months and to help serve His children!
5. I am so thankful for my friends. I have so many great friends, what a blessing it is to have met so many great people in my life!
1 comment:
stacey! you're going on a mission! that's so exciting! you will be such a wonderful missionary. i can't wait to hear where you'll go!
ps. i've totally worked retail during black friday. it's the worst, but at the same time, it's really not THAT bad (just kidding, it's bad.) good luck with this weekend!
p.p.s. i LOVED wreck it ralph. i want to see it again.
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